Sunday, October 31, 2004
29th October 2004... My 21st Bdae!!!Went to work wif eyes,
as swollen as can be...
All bcos of dear,
who made me pissed....
My colleagues greeted me,
with very warm wishes...
But my mood was dampened,
when i was told e news...
But who cares abt the news?!
When it was my bdae!!!
Dear came to pick me up,
but boy was he late...
I waited and i waited,
till he finally came...
I pleaded to know,
where we were headin...
But all he could do,
was to keep on grinnin...
The place was nice,
and i was right...
Cos we reached Mount Faber,
where we went the other nite... ( His wing's social nite)
We had ice cream cakes,
which he bought from Swensens.
And i found out the reasons,
on why he was late...
Had a slow walk,
to "The Hill" cafe...
With pleasant ambience,
we had our dinner...
He had his meat,
and I my fish...
And we both agreed,
that mine was great...
I opened the car boot,
to retrieve my present...
And in e blue box,
was a handmade present...
My heart was melting,
and my eyes was tearing...
Cos it came with a letter,
and a realli sweet card.
It was a photoframe,
with an edited photo...
And on e photo,
dear wrote these words....
*********************************************************
Never Ending Love
Shawn & Jacqueline
I Shawn Liu, take you Jacqueline Wong,
to be my girlfriend.
To have and to hold,
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness or in health,
to love and to cherish till death do us part.
And hereto i pledge you my faithfulness.
Happy 21st Birthday!
**********************************************************
Dear i am sorry that i misunderstood your intention on the day before my bdae. Now i know fully on why you acted that way... sorry dear.... And i must let you know that the present you gave was the most wonderful one i had received.. Cos it was handmade by you and it really touched my heart. I am sure the box will be filled to the brim and in time to come, we will need to buy more of this to put in the photos, the letters, the lovely cards..... All the wonderful memories we share..... I am glad to haf you share this wonderful day with me... Love you dear....
10/31/2004 01:40:00 pm
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Yesterday went dinner wif Yf n Jasmint.We went to bishan n had cafe cartel.
Had the soft shell crabs and prawn course. --> too oily 4 my likings.
Took some photo stickers.--> veri fun. spent 1 hr in all includin decoratin e pics...
This mornin confirmed the news tt BM is changing.
Ok fine. This dummy is goin.
Heard em say the new BM is quite nice and knows a lot lot more.
Glad to know tt.
I am angry wif u.
I am real angry wif u.
10/28/2004 09:14:00 pm
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Do u believe in life after death? Spirits? I realli wonder how mani of us believe in it. Do u believe that when a body is in a coffin, the body can actualli sense the surrounding? Do u think they can actualli hear us too? Can they sense wat we say to em?My colleagues and i were chatting till we jus talked abt this topic. Cos one of my colleague's grandma passed away. Anywae i realli wonder... For the past few funerals i had been to... 3 close ones.. My Grandmother, Grandpa and Huiling... I "tok" to em. Be it thru actual words spoken or thru msges sent in e heart, i believe that they were able to hear me. I believe they can hear us. Standing next to the coffin, lookin at them, I communicated to them how i felt. I believe they can realli hear us. What do u guys think?? Think abt it....
10/26/2004 10:19:00 pm
Monday, October 25, 2004
1. Heard from Pei Pei n Irine tt Tommy fell and hurt his head n got blood all over... so ke lian... But he also veri cute... when pple wan to sayang him, he will say cannot pain in malay... so clever... sakit..2. ShiHway frenster msg me... OMG... she lost her hp on tt day whilst she was comin for my chalet n cos she cant remember our numbers n she cant find the chalet, she ended up goin home... SO Super Duper Guilty.....
3. Was watchin tv 9pm channel 8 jus now... n i tot i saw Jane... hmm... maybe its realli her... hahaha.... Diving/Swimmin scene.this gal ah.......
4. Dear dear says this friday he might be able to get off from work early... so wat dear? I will be stuck at work till 5 plus!!!! n sat i got to work.......super sian........ how to celebrate........ like no mood....... so u know lah hor? see how hardworkin u are......... hahhaa........jus jokin.......
5. Wanted to meet up wif Yuefen n Jasmint jus now for dinner... want to treat em bdae treat as usual... haha... but then.... mummy cook chicken rice... n yuefen's mummy cook crabs... n jasmint got to go causeway pt buy things... aiya meaning got to change date loh... wednesday i hope... where should we go? =)
6. After work, fengwen arranged to meet me near our house to pass me a couple of photos taken durin my chalet... so sweet of her....
7. I am sleepy........ yawnz......... i hope i dun take cab tomolo..... i was late today.... opps..... (-_-)"
10/25/2004 10:22:00 pm
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Hey this date is quite familiar.. someone's bday? Lim Peiwen? Hmm... duno?Okok back to wat i realli wanted to say... Yesterday(sat) was realli a veri veri busy day at work. STressful!!!! Not enuf manpower and i was told to open counter! wat the..... I haf no experience there loh! and not to mention tt i didnt went to observe wat they realli thoroughly do there loh!!! Haiz... So i was SSO cum part time RO yesterday... Margaret was nice... she kept comin up to help me... cos realli loh i had no experience opening account!!! Realli demoralised.... And seems like everyone was wearing "underpants outside" as wat Margaret said... haha... cos we all become superman n superwoman.... Boy.. i wont want to haf anor situation like yesterday.... I prefer my SSO job... muhaahhaa....
After work dear picked me up and i went home to change... cos i was late in e morning forgot to bring my clothes... Anywae after tt we headed for Sim Lim... Dear was lookin was a palmtop... Veri funi one loh this guy... he jus sold his palmtop a few mths ago... now says need again... Guess he didnt expect this to happen... wahaha.... We had the Bah Cho Mee (minced meat noodles) there which dear said is veri veri veri veri veri nice... Not too bad lah.. hhaha.... Didnt realli found any suitable palmtop cos no time no time.... We were rushin off to Plaza Sing to see mei nu!!! hahhha
Met up wif Sandy Shujun n Jenn there... All were there for a surprise bday present for Sandy... A makeover wif photo shots!! hehehe.... A unique gift wor Sandy! ideas from Jenn...nice one.. Anywae cos the shot was postponed for a few hrs, dear n i proceed to watch our movie b4 meetin up wif em again. By e time we finished e show Wimbledom, sandy was almost done. Gorgeous wif her permed hair... Saudi u look nice wif the hair...realli!!!! We all had dinner at Cafe Cartel... So fillin... Managed to capture some shots wif Jenn's cammie there... i cant wait to post it here... got saudi mei nu leh!!! ahaaa.... Finished our dinner at ard 10 plus?!?!? Supper?!!? Aftertt, dear n i didnt join em for coffee so we left first....
Glad tt Saudi Arabia love her present.... must frame up n pass to grandchildren like u mentioned ok? hahaha... Glad i managed to meet up wif em too... cos its been a long while since we met up.... Blame me ba... always cannot make it... =p
Now waitin for dear to go home after his haircut so tt we can go out.... Wanted to go east coast cycling one... but raining leh.... dear's mummy asked if we wana join her n his sis for bowling.... but i dun feel like it... cos i stopped playin bowling after my mum laf till she cried a few yrs ago at my bowling skills... paiseh... dun wan bowl again.... I wonder where can we go later.... dear faster lah!!!!!!
10/24/2004 01:27:00 pm
Friday, October 22, 2004
I haven been in a veri good mood these past few days... Duno leh... Feel veri stressed... Actualli i shld be feelin good cos i was able to spend so mani consecutive days wif dear.. but duno leh... not veri happi... Somemore started to haf those stupid nightmares again.... U know havin a bad dream realli spoils ur day. First i dreamt tt dear and his camp pple were held as prisoners by duno who... then i was sent to a spy.... and i managed to woke up but not w/o having a hug bite of the enemy's nose! Perhaps even my teeth were grinding during my sleep... cos i remember i was bitin n bitin hard on e bad guy's nose.... Big nose... Disgusting... But i kept my teeth sanked deep on e nose... cos he bulli my dear... Anor one was haiz... sthin which made me jealous and veri upset in my dreams... dun wana say liao.... Haiz....At work also stressed... stressed cos not enuf pple... i m worried abt tomolo... saturday... e crowd might be there.... i duno a/c opening... sian... okok enuf of work here... though its onli a sentence... eeeewwww!!!
Jus finished watchin spore idol results... Christopher is still not yet out!!!!!!! But Maia is out! Haiz... duno why e results like tt... some pple vote jus cos of their frens... dun realise how bad e guy's singing is... eeeewww.... Dear's fav singer is Leandra... mine is actualli Olinda... Her voice is veri powerful and she never fails to make me excited abt her performance... cos she is always surprising us audience wif new and interesting performance. I like it.
My eyes are hurtin me... think i better stop here.... Nite Bloggy........ hope tonite will be a dreamless nite n tomolo a smooth flowing day....
10/22/2004 09:23:00 pm
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Is your birthday day 23 of the month? Shawnie!!!Your Life--
You never live your life in the way others want you to. You are an independent individual who loves challenges and excitement. You are ready to face with the result of your decision. You are usually the one your friends count on.
Your Love--
Because you love excitements, you occasionally get involved in forbidden love affairs. You may fall in love with a married person and no one can stopyou from making progress. You are very charming, although you might not realize it.
Is your birthday day 29 of the month? Jackie!!!
Your Life--
You can trust your sixth sense. Life is exciting so routine job is not yourinterest. You have great ideas and fantastic imagination. You often feel tired of things and people around you.
Your Love--
You can tell what's in the mind of another person just from looking into his/her eyes. You are paranoid and jealous and these are the cause of fights between you and your lover. Sometimes the thing you believe in is just your imagination.
10/20/2004 10:20:00 pm
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Well well well.... those photos posted earlier were taken from my dear's cammie... shall upload photos from the 2 other photographer's cammie when i receive it from em.... hehe.... Images arent tt sharp... And sad to say, i think not enuf photos were taken..... But nevertheless, I believe the memories shall be kept in my mind... my brain... my memory... duhz.... Shall find other things to entertain me now... duhz... tomolo got to work.....10/19/2004 04:30:00 pm
NPCO FrenZ!!!
10/19/2004 04:28:00 pm
Therefore i shall keep my Hands To Myself!!!!!
10/19/2004 04:20:00 pm
Oh I sHouLdnT haf boXed Em!!! These 2 gals helped Me A LOT!!!!! Love ya Gals!!!
10/19/2004 04:20:00 pm
Ah Boy who helped me a lot on tt day! Thanks!
10/19/2004 04:18:00 pm
My DBS coLLeaGues!
10/19/2004 04:17:00 pm
SecOndaRy SchOOL Frens!!!
10/19/2004 04:17:00 pm
My PRiMarY ScHooL Mates who were so sporting they ganged up to wear Black for me!!!
10/19/2004 04:16:00 pm
Another ReLatIves Photo!
10/19/2004 04:15:00 pm
Family wif my ReLatIves!
10/19/2004 04:13:00 pm
Mr Shawn Liu and Ms Jacqueline Wong
10/19/2004 04:12:00 pm
My FaMilY!!! Yes n tt is Jack Wong Jing Lin Botak!
10/19/2004 04:11:00 pm
BiRthDay WiSh Is......
10/19/2004 04:10:00 pm
Sing song!!! OK look at the atmosphere n feel it but dun look at my contorted face!!!
10/19/2004 04:09:00 pm
HaPpY 21St BdAy JaC!
10/19/2004 04:08:00 pm
BaLLOonS!!!!!! for my decorations!!!!
10/19/2004 04:07:00 pm
Monday, October 18, 2004
Got this from an email a fren fwded to me... It realli shows how important communication is between pple. Even though its a sad story, i hope tt u will like this story cos of the lesson it teaches us... The importance of communication between your loved ones... Dun take pple for granted, instead appreciate em... Talk or even fight if there's a problem... but never ever just keep it within urself... letting pple guess... If you do not highlight the problem, if u do not state ur pt of view, or ur happiness or sorrow, u will deprived others of understanding the situation better, understanding him/her better, understanding you better.... Treasure every moment we have together.Whenever we meet with a problem, we will talk it out and solve the issue... together... Love ya dear...
p/s: nope... my bf and i not having any problem.... =)
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Part 1
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever.
This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).
Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother."
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both of us refuse to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial __expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.
Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? we couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard.
I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.
I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.
Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...
In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Part 2
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.
The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heartbeat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.
I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I went to my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.
In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."
He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I should sprint, I could never reach them.
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.
We have drawn such deep scar in each other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital.
Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.
Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his ... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."
From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...
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"To hope for better times must not be a feeling but an action in the present." - Vincent van Gogh
10/18/2004 04:11:00 pm
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Hello bloggy!!! I'm Back from chalet!!! Wat a event!!!I m glad it happened!!! hehehe...Friday:
Whilst waiting for dear to pick me up, I prepared my mango and almond puddin... Spent quite a bit of time in e kitchen cos as always i haf to make sure things are clean clean clean b4 i use em... haha... *next time my utility bills sure high high one* Finalli upon completing all e 40 cups of puddings, I went to do some last min shoppin wif mum... Bought some more disposable bowls, watermelon and toiletries. Rot rot a bit more at home and started packin my bag for the chalet... duno wat to bring also... haha...
Dear finalli came at 6 to pick me up... woah... deng ni deng tao wo xin tong... muhahah... xin yang yang... *puke* Just b4 dear reached my door, i realised tt i have yet to pack my PUDDINGS!!! had a hard time packin em up one on top of e other in e paper bag...
Met wif an accident at the door... sob... I hit my head against the shoe rack whilst i was pickin up my shoes... Ya lah i know jus a bump... but then hoh... got blood leh!!!! So painful... tears build up on my eyes too leh... Though its veri painful, dear and mummy both said nothing much...I realli tot its jus a small bump or sthin... until e camera photo taken showed me a line of blood... a long line leh... kaoz..... make me leg weak weak.... up till now still can feel the pain....*shivers*
Loading and unloading the stuffs was e most mafan... luckily dear's car can take in all e stuffs... Had to make 2 trips unloadin the stuffs and carryin it to the chalet... *sweats* Had dinner there... we packed Mum's chicken rice... but dear didnt ate much... not nice meh? haha...
I love spending time there wif dear... even jus watchin tv seems so much more interesting.. heheh...
Saturday:
Had breakfast at a food centre then went back chalet to do up all the decorations... i love my letterings... hehe... so proud of em... When i put my mind on makin sthin nice n perfect, I believe i can proudly say tt it will turn out nice n perfect!! hhahhaa.... The concept was to haf a theme of purple n silver... purple and silver letterings and metalli purple and silver balloons.. and curly ribbons too!! I must say i like the endin look. Thanks dear for helpin me put up e decorations... How can i do w/o u?
Mummy, Jack, Pei and Irine came next... they helped prepare the food.. and buyin of additional food... Cos my dear BiB** Caterin which is the chalet's caterer didnt realli prepare enuf food for us like tt...... duhz....... didnt look like food prepared for 30 plus pple... Luckily i still got BBQ stuffs... and dad's MUSHROOM SOUP!!! muahahha.....
I had a quick shower b4 my guests arrive... Cos my phone was chargin, I didnt brought it into the bathroom... Wrong Move... Whilst i was bathin, i can hear the number of missed calls and smses..... Opps... haha...
First guest! Ah BOY!!! Shawn's veri good fren.... A nice chap who helped me a lot!!! A lot!!! A lot!!!!!!! Gave Shawn and Ah Boy a task... to set up the BBQ pit by 6.. and they did!!! Soon enuf, Annie Quek my pri sch fren came... my relatives.. More Relatives... More frens... More Calls... More Smses... More more Frens!!! and i was like a hp getting charged... As time pass, I was getting more POWERFUL... hahaa... handlin different grps of guests..... haha... A bit siao like tt le... There were calls which screamed " hey i cant find the chalet!!!"---> someone was at Escape Theme Park chalet. and smses like "Wat bus to take ar?" and expected smses which i predicted from Mr A " hey sthin cropped up.. cant come.. veri sorry.." muhahhaa.... i understand lah... i know one... no need to explain... Jus too bad u cant see Tommy... =p Stimes pple can be so weird...
I tell u handlin over 50 plus no i think 60 plus guests is no mean feat... I must Thank all my frens n colleagues and relatives for comin.... especially Yuefen n Jasmine who helped me entertained my frens... , Ah Boy n Ah Lun and JAck who helped me BBQ food for my guests... , My Parents for e food!!! INCLUSIVE of Mushroom soup!..., Yenwei n JAsmine for Photography... And lastly my dearest boy boy... who helped me in everything!!!! From those things i know he helped to those things he helped but i didnt know.... Love u all!!!!
And pple, I love e presents!!! Every single one of em!!! Appreciate em!!! Spent quite some time unwrappin em... First time i got so much presents... hehe... Bags, Perfumes, Necklace, Beauty Kit, Skirt, Ang Pow blah blah... Love em all.....
Sunday :
Got to check out this mornin... wif the help of Shawn, Yuefen and Jasmine, we squeezed all e stuffs into the Fit and went back .......... wat a event......... Now i feel so tired i dun even wana type somemore leh. I jus wana say I enjoyed myself a lot... I hope all my guests too... Hope i had been a good host n pls do pardon me if i had not.. I must say i realized how many pple care for me... Love ya all!!!!
10/17/2004 02:36:00 pm
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Gosh... I m realli gettin nervous and excited abt my chalet celebration. Tomolo is the first day and time will be spent decorating the place... cleaning it up... and blah blah blah... Still comtemplatin on whether to get a guest book like Jane... Cos its a veri good way to remember those guests who came to celebrate my 21st bdae wif me... tt is besides spottin em from the photos... hehe... Well, shall discuss it wif dear tomolo...Guess this party gonna burn a big hole in mummy's pocket... she says she will pay for the buffet... tt add up to a few hundreds le... The rest of the miscellaneous stuffs like deco... titbits... trays... additional drinks... cake... chalet fees... mushrooms for e soups hahah... tongs... marshmellows... blah blah i cover... haha... realli miscellaneous... Well, this shall be one n onli time i goin celebrate bdae on such a big scale so NVM lah... hor? feel a bit guilty though....
This afternoon was spent tickin off the items i bought from the list of mani items needed... seems like i missed out some stuffs... Shall go buy em tomolo mornin... Wont be bookin in Opps i mean checkin in tt early tomolo cos dear workin tomolo.. *he cant get leave*... so gotta wait till evenin then check in... Anywae as i was sayin, this afternoon i also cut out the rest of the decor things... hope they turn out nice on e wall... hehe...
Tomolo afternoon i shall start on my pudding... i think i bought too much powder... haha... a bit too overly excited... i think i bought 10 boxes... muahahaha.... Hope everyone likes it...
A bit sad tt i cant get my friends to stay overnite on sat though... cos my relatives stayin overnite... so quite difficult.. =( Hope they understand...
Also a bit worried tt i cant be a good host on sat... cos might be too stressed... cos quite a grp of pple... Pardon me frens if i werent a good host on tt day... will try my best... =)
Hmm.... shall stop here bloggy... think i wont haf time to update u tomolo... so sayang u next time!!!
10/14/2004 11:22:00 pm
My Dear!!!!!!! Suai mah?! Still ok lah hor? hahaha
10/14/2004 12:47:00 am
Another one!!! hahaha.... zi lian!!!!
10/14/2004 12:45:00 am
Me!!!
10/14/2004 12:44:00 am
Dear dear n me....
10/14/2004 12:43:00 am
Merlion!
10/14/2004 12:39:00 am
Sentosa!
10/14/2004 12:38:00 am
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Place: Jack's RoomWeather: Cool n windy Night
Feeling: Not bad!
Listening to: Yes 933!
Thinking of: "Hmm shld start my bloggin proper"
13/10/04 (Wednesday)
I m on off today!!! Yippee!!! haha... Anywae today was a nice day... I received my 2nd present when Dear and his dad came to pick me up. First pressie is a stuffed cat from Pei Pei!!! hehehe... Anywae we went to Golden Mile there cos dear n i wanted to go concourse to buy the decoration stuffs. So on e way, uncle passed me a present from him and auntie... and... and... gulps... its a HP!!! Not jus a HP... its e new model for Samsung E800C!!! The slidling one!!! Superb rite? hahaha.... i didnt notice e existence of this hp model till dear dear told me abt it... I like it a lot!!! But one thing is, i feel tt its too ex a present from em... But then cant reject.... Also scared tt dear will jealous... haha... Dear ur parents not scared i dun wan u n run away wif the HP ah? haha... jus jokin..
Anywae, da and i managed to find the balloons for my deco... metallic purple and silver... nice combi?? wif ribbons!! haha... Never did know tt concourse sell such party stuffs!!! Quite a few shops somemore leh... Kudos to Jane for enlightening me in this aspect. Glad to haf advices from Jane, Siling and Kaixin for my event... =) Thanx gals!
Went shoppin at Suntec too... basically shop for shoes... haiz... so hard to find a nice pair tt i like... tried a top at Fond Hugs too... dear says nice... but we end up not buyin... hahaa... i want shoes... Last stop for the day was at Northpt... Did more shoppin at Cold Storage.. bought some titbits and some containers... Felt like an auntie...hhahaha....
Received a reply via email by cousin joyce who is at China now... Seems like she is workin hard there... U know when she first told us tt she might be goin there to work, we all felt so sad... now it seems like she has been workin there for so mani yrs le... time flies........ Anywae i forwarded her a photo of Botak Jack and some updated photos of my n shawn... taken at Sentosa last sunday... Oh bloggie did i not tell u abt sunday???
Dear and i went to Sentosa on sunday.. hehe.. We met in the mornin and took MRT to Harbour front... had our breakfast cum lunch at the hawker centre there and took a shuttle to the island. We rented a doubles bicycle and enjoyed ourselves... Nice not havin to balance tt much... hahaha... *lazy* We also went up e Merlions to catch a better view of e island... Its not realli tt interestin... but its a experience ba... at least we can proudly say tt ya we went up e merlion b4... ahhahaa.... Towards the end of the day, da and i also went to watch teh Musical Fountain show... woah... its a different type now... no more jus water sprayin here and there... hahaha... now got laser cartoons.... got show like tt... veri different... both shawn n i were amazed... haha... 2 suakus....
After the musical fountain show dear n i wanted to walk back spore cos a lot of pple waitin for bus... so walk walk walk... until see a sign... "due to road construction or wat.... cant walk".... so sian.... had to walk back to bus stop and guai guai queue and wait....
Overall, it was a wonderful day spent wif dear dear... dear i appreciate the effort n thought!!! Thank You!!! No matter wat we do together, i will enjoy it.... Muack!
10/13/2004 11:22:00 pm
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
HHahahaha... tomolo is the first day of my block leave!!!! i will be on leave and off till next wed!!! Jealous pple?! hahah.... i so happi... so happi i sortof jumped ard in the office after work.... My colleague see le also lafed... No need to face Gorilla and Loafer!!! Muhahah....10/12/2004 10:20:00 pm
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Its been a long time since i wanted to kill someone.............................................................. well perhaps the last tot was last mth.................................
hmmm its not tt long ago considerin tt today is onli 9 Oct.....................
.........anywae.........i wanted to get a cleaver today......... and chop chop hack hack the kiasee loafer and his bootlicker unethical follower............................ or perhaps a pistol will be good......................
but it seems like the thing tt will affect em the most is the cancellation of trades done.....
.......... seems like i got to curse for this to happen to em...................
muahhahahahaa..........................
okieokie.... a bit siao2 siao4 in front..... but i got to fa1 xie4 a bit mah............... !@#$%^&*() curse em.....#$%^&*(
After work, dear and i went to Sembawang... intended to visit the confectionary shop to buy some stuffs.... but end up leavin Sembawang w/o alighting from the car and instead, we headed for IMM....
Bought 2 baskets full of stuffs for my chalet..... range from tongs to brush to pudding powder..... Spent nearly 3 hrs in there and ended up wif veri tired legs......... Dear and me felt like old pple.... both of us had bad back pain....... super sian........ We had to carry the heavy groceries to the car before continuing our gai3 gai2......... And we haf yet to finish our groceries shoppin!!!! Quite a few more things haven buy......... oh ya... my cake too......... and i got to fax my buffet list on monday......... And, ANYONE KNOWS WHERE TO GET NICE BALLOONS?!?!? SMS ME WOR???? THANX!!!!
Oh ya we saw Sharon Aw at IMM filmin a variety show.........she's so pretty........
Think i shouldnt be bloggin at this timin..so sleepy yet still wan to blog.......... end up write until no head no body no tail..................... Jus b4 i end, got to intro a nice movie to u all... NEW POLICE STORY!!! Nice Nice!!! Watched it w dear yesterday after work.......... realli nice!!!!! Yawn!!!! GTG.............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10/10/2004 01:14:00 am
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Here goes another Q&A!!!1) what is the brand of your hp = T610 Sony Ericsson
2) what'll u do if u c ur gf/bf hugging a guy/girl = Go up and glare at em!
3) have a gf/bf? = Yupz
4) have ur own room = I haf my own room but i share it wif my cousins...duhz...
5) hates = Lizards
6) 1 thing u cant live w/o = my stuffed cat
7) where do u live = Yishun, Singapore
8) what would u do if sumone tells u he/she likes u = Depends on who it is... haha...
9) how r u feelin now = lonely...
10) where do u hangout = next door at my cousin's house..wat a place...
11) what r u good at = sleepin...
12) what is it bouT a perSon u cant stand = selfishness
13) what do u want = happiness all ard
14) a word that describes u= forgetful?
15) what is ur dream = to open a biz wif my dear and haf a contended life... retire and go tour ard e world...
16) day/nite = i prefer nite time...
17) sunset/sunrise = sunset
18) like a romantic bf/gf= definitely
19) what is it bouT the opposite gender that attracts u? = their thinking
20) are u an independent person = sometimes
21) do u like schooL = i MISS IT!
22) R u stubborn = sometimes...
23) believe in god = yup
24) ur favourite physical feature = eye colour
25) believe in fate = definitely
26) get pissed off easily = sometimes...
27) like ur parents = they're ok... ok i like em...
28) r u a materialistic person =i dun think so leh.. u think leh?
29) believe in love = I m in Love.. wat do ya think?
30) will u get a tattoo = no way...
31) smoke = cough.. cough..
32) club /pub = none
33) will u forgive ur gf/bf if he cheats on u? = No longer will
34) will u expect ur gf/bf to forgive u if u cheat on him/her?= i dun deserve to be forgiven
35) were u on a trip recently? = nope... opps.. i haven renew my passport
36) fav country = after i go world tour then i let u know
37) r u impatient = sometimes... hmm is this a repeated qn?
38) which brands = wat pdt?
39) do you organise parties often = NOPE!!! SO WHEN I DO, PPLE U BETTER COME!!! HEARD IT?!?!?!?!?! 16/10/04 SATURDAY!!! COASTA SANDS!!!!
40) do u have good friends = Yesh...
41) do u think u r good looking = duno..
42) do u care abt looks = sometimes...
43) do u think that u r a good gf/bf = u ask him loh...
44) do u use vulgarities = how vulgur do u mean? hahaha
45) do u quarrel with people easily = quarrels give me headache and makes me cry
46) r u forgiving: I dunn0....
47)do u get hurt easily = yesh...…
48)do u prefer girls wif long/short hair = depends on how it suits the person mah...
49) do u prefer guys wif long/short hair= definitely short
50) is ur hair colored = yupz
51) r u a romantic partner = ask him loh...
52) do u wear a watch = i must! no watch means horrible day
53) what color clothes do u like = black
54) will u chose love or $ = LOVE
55) do u prefer slp or eat: = definitely sleepin...
56) white or black = black
57) pink or red = pink
58) fav flower = i like both roses and lilies
59) do u like to receive flowers = yes of cos! brightens my day!!!
60) fav perfume = Estee Lauder Pleasure, Kenzo e flower one...
61) favourite type of music = Sentimental love songs
62)favourite past time = Sleep... Movies...
Oh tts fast... hahahaha....
10/07/2004 09:23:00 pm
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
My backache is aching.... i need a massage... i need a massage chair!!! Dear... where are u??? I need a massage!!!hahah.... Dear veri bz i think........Anywae my connection is up!!!!!!! no need use my cousin's one le.... so happi....
Heard abt the DBS HK safe deposit box issue... got such a shock! Anyway its a human error.... an isolated case.... Now the pple can jus claim hor? So suang hor? hahaha..... Any wae there's a cap to the claim... Hope no SDB cx comes askin me abt it... "sorry i got no comments..." hahaha...
Kaiqing and kumsiong are comin for my chalet too i believe... so H...A..P...P...I....~~!!!! Shall confirm wif Kumsiong again and then if he realli is comin, i might ask him to help me ctt Zhangwei too!!! Anor Pri5 Pri6 classmate!!! An addition to our gatherings!!! hehe... I can never imagine tt we all will be able to haf such gatherings... u know... pri sch... no ctt for so mani yrs... 8/9 yrs? then suddenly all brought together!!! awww.... so nice.... =)
Haiz breaking out in cold sweat le... cham... cannot blog le... think i go lie down... my back realli veri painful... buay tahan...nite bloggy....
10/06/2004 10:09:00 pm
Monday, October 04, 2004
Alo pple.. see me long time no blog liao rite? Got miss me? Or rather my bloggings??? My internet connection is down... saya tak tahu why also... I jus know tt i cant get connected into internet... now using my cousin's pc... cant get use to it... slower... As wat Shawn said... pple nowadays cant survive w/o internet connection... W/o internet, i will be so BORED!!! Every nite i would rather spend my time surfing the net aimlessly than watch tv... Its my only way of keepin myself updated wif info of npco... my frens...etc... And not to forget, bloggin abt my life here... hahaha....Anyway to keep this blog updated, i shall start bloggin now.... Let moi think....
Okie great.. i cant remember wat happened on thursday and friday... Poor memory... cannot be helped...
Saturday... Hmm... work? Oh ya!! I took cab to work... cos i was late.. and the cab i was in nearly got into an accident wif another cab! I was realli shocked u know? i was zzz on the cab when i heard the blarrin of the cab's horn.. so long and loud.. I opened my eyes to see my cab tryin to avoid the other cab which was on our right. We were goin straight... the cab on the right WAS SUPPOSED to be goin straight too.. but somehow the other cabbie wasnt drivin straight.. it was drivin towards the left.. towards our lane.. and he didnt put any signal loh!! How can cut lanes like tt? We were so close.... duhz... luckily my cabbie swerved to the left and avoided the stupid driver... There was someone in e other cab as well... Scary... Luckily nothing else happened... pheww..
Work was like tt loh... and we finalli know wat is changing le.. We will be -part of the central district and no longer part of East district i think... and we will still be under the same DM... and sad to say... same BM... urrghhhh!!!! Duno wat i sayin? Nevermind... cos this is written to fa xie onli....!!!
After work ah... went home... then dear came... He drove yenling, irine and me to order a cake for Irine... then we drove em back... Then dear and i went to Changi there... chalet.. Its SiLing's bdae.. The chalet which is SAF one has a sea view... and its BIG!!! NIce!And she had the chalet decorated wif lots of balloons... Wat i like is those balloon scruptures... Interesting... I onli know how to do the doggie one...
Anywae the event started quite late...For pri sch one, those who came were Jane, George, Sushan, Shaojun, ShiHway, Fengling, Shawn and me.. Quite a pleasant surprise to see Shihway..=) Anywae i hope they all will be able to come for mine... It was a nice event.. Siling spent a lot of effort for this and i can say it was quite successful.
Sunday... Wat did i do yesterday? Oh i went to Orchard wif dear.. we bought... JEANS!!! Both of us bought a pair of Levis jeans each... Not bad not bad... like it a lot... hehee... we will wear it next sat...Oh ya we also discussed abt my celebration.. wat to buy... how to decorate... wat we need... food... pple... loads... We bought paper from popular too... and opps... i am supposed to write out the letterings now... opps... later when dear come over for dinner he sure scold me one... Hehe.. dear comin over for dinner... hehee... Hope he likes the chicken rice mummy goin to cook tonight...
Jus now i tried making mango puddin... i like the smell of the puddin... and Pei and Mummy says it tastes nice.. I tried the fruit agar agar too... but i dun think it will taste nice... Anyway i dun like agar agar... bleah...
Back to the celebration, i hope lots of pple come... i realli worried abt the attendance.. or rather the lack of attendance... Was surprised tt Desmond and Ziqiang read my blog too.. hahha... Desmond says tt its still too early for pple to confirm.. well... maybe... so far hmmm... duno leh... aiya change topic!!!!
Change topic... duno wat to start on now... duhz... a bit bo liao... Tomolo got to work again... sian sian sian... Tuesdays blue also.... btw today i on leave... hahhaa... nothin new rite? okie okie shall end here... goin to take a look at my puddin later....
p/s: My english... my chinese... my language... sentence constructin... all can no longer make it... hahahhaa..... Any tuition teacher available? hahaha....
10/04/2004 04:09:00 pm
